Restrained Passion
by A Romantic Enquiry
Summary: Tensions have been high in the Cullen house with many family members going their own ways, including Bella spending time away from the family & Carlisle drowning himself in work. The complex bond between Esme & Edward holds strong though, culminating and complicating one night with an irreversible surrender to long restrained forbidden passion. Written with DragonGirl323.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** I only wrote half of this story! DragonGirl323 is the author of the chapters from Edward's POV; she contributed all of Edward's dialogue; & she gets beta credit for this as well. Also, she is awesome.

This story was inspired by a "crazy day" scene in The Official Twilight RP forum here. Crazy days give us free reign to be out of character & anything goes. I decided it was a good opportunity to explore my first non-canon Twilight pairing & DragonGirl323, who currently writes Edward, made that happen.

Let us know what you think because we are more than willing to give you more where this came from!

Also, special thanks goes to Caius & his pine cone, William; Chuck Norris; all those hardworking Robert Pattinson fans who made the lovely fanvids I had on loop while I wrote this; the two lovely ladies who write Carlisle & Bella in the forum for letting us cheat on them, even though we love them; Jenna & Rayne for starting the couple swapping trend; & all of our friends in Twilight RP!

* * *

I hung up the phone and dropped it onto the couch beside of me with a sigh. He had called to cancel our trip to Seattle. _Cancel_. That was the word he had used, not postpone. It wasn't really a big deal. We had just planned on getting away for a day or two: go to the theater, museums, dancing, whatever we saw that we wanted to do when we got there, just go out together, like we never did anymore.

I picked up the phone again, dialing the number for the Sorrento Hotel, having it memorized. When the receptionist answered, I thought about hanging up. Maybe I would just go alone then. Why not? If he was going to stay at work.

"May I help you?" the voice repeated.

"Hi, yes. I'm sorry. I need to cancel my reservation, please."

"Yes, ma'am. What name is the reservation under?"

"Cullen. Esme Cullen," I said, spelling it for her. So many people misspell my first name, though I'm not sure why.

"Did you need to change the reservation, Ms. Cullen?"

"No, thank you, just cancel it, please," I said, then thanked her quickly and promptly hung up, throwing the phone back onto the couch and kicking off my brand new Stuart Weitzman pumps. _Four-hundred dollars for new shoes just for this evening_.

I heard Edward coming up the front steps. At least someone came home regularly, I thought, trying to tuck my bottom lip in. I knew that I was pouting and that it was both immature and unbecoming. I am an adult, after all, and I should not be so petulant, especially when my husband was saving people's lives—it was absurd to react this way.

I suppose that after years of such repeated incidents, and the fact that I was not the one facing the injured party or their families, I had become distanced from the type of sympathy I should automatically extend. It's not hard to imagine though. I was just choosing to ignore it. I was being petty.

"Esme?" I heard Edward ask warily. From the tone of his voice, I must have still looked like a child who had just been scolded.

"Oh, hi, Edward," I replied, looking up at him. I tried to pretend I was surprised, as if I didn't notice him come in—an old habit that I knew he most likely read right through. He was a gentleman though and would never point that out.

He looked at me for a moment and I explained the cancelled date. Then, he apologized to me, as if he was guilty somehow, as if he could do anything about it.

He defended Carlisle, of course, gently. "He's been busy lately."

I nodded, trying not to smile at him and looked out the window. He really didn't need to say that and we both knew it. Perhaps he just felt like he should. Maybe he thought it would make us both feel better. Frankly though, I thought that maybe it only made it worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors' notes:** With the exception of Esme's dialogue, this chapter was authored by Jenna, penname DragonGirl323. It's being posted here on my account for story continuity.

Also, we'd like to thank everyone who has read & reviewed so far. It's very much appreciated!

* * *

An uneasy, semi-silence enveloped us then as I followed her gaze out the window, seeing but not quite seeing the trees outside. Of course, "silence" was something that I didn't encounter very often, being forced into hearing the thoughts, feelings and desires of the humans and vampires alike that I came into contact with. Of course, that made me think of the one person whose mind I couldn't hear and the train of thought that came screaming through my mind at that precise moment – wonderings about Bella and where she could be – made me grateful that Esme's attention was currently not on me. The sour expression that twisted my face left me scrambling for a distraction and I found it in the turmoil of her thoughts.

I glanced down, my gaze coming to rest on her hands that were folded loosely in her lap, and I gently picked her left hand up, holding it between both of mine. I breathed in through my nose, the mix of scents in the air automatically separating themselves in my mind; the damp musk of the forest outside, the dry material of the couch we were sitting on and the alluring aroma of her perfume, among others. I patted the back of her hand softly as she turned her head toward me.

"He'll make it up to you when he can," I reassured, sending her a small half-smile. The tenor of my voice didn't sound the least bit convincing and I knew she would be able to detect that.

Her gaze briefly drifted down to our joined hands before she smirked up at me, hearing her words as they formed in her mind. "He certainly has his work cut out for him, I can tell you that."

Her joking tone made my smile widen and I couldn't stop the soft chuckle that escaped my parted lips. "I can only imagine." That same, unwelcome train of thought chose to rear up and remind me of my monotonous afternoon of fruitless searching. I sighed heavily as I leaned back into the cushions of the couch. "I've been watching for Bella all afternoon." I close my eyes in the hope that the expanse of darkness behind my eyelids will calm the whirlwind of activity swirling relentlessly through my head, but am only met with further disappointment.

Esme's fingers gently wrap around my palm as her thoughts turn sorrowful. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I really wish she would contact you. I'm so worried about her and I love Bella, but…" She pauses and I hear her hesitance to keep going and the words she wants to say, so I wait. "It hurts the most to see you this way."

I open my eyes and stare down at my lap with a slight frown, slowly shaking my head. "It's alright. I know she just needs time," I reply, looking up and meeting her eyes. "I don't like seeing you upset either."

"Don't you think it's strange, knowing that you have eternity with someone but feeling so lonely? Why do all the moments without them seem so much longer than all the time together?" she inquires, thinking aloud, and shakes her head. "Well, at least we're not completely alone. We could be. I'm glad you're here." She expelled a slow breath as she rested her head against my shoulder, keeping a slight hold on my hand.

The corners of my mouth twitch, tugging upwards, as I rest my cheek against the top of her head and squeeze her fingers softly as I take her words in. "It is strange indeed. And I'm glad you're here as well. At least we can be lonely together."

Esme lifts her head off my shoulder and looks up at me, one corner of her mouth quirked. "I'm not really lonely with you, though. Don't tell your siblings this, but I miss you the most when you are gone."

One of my eyebrows arch in intrigue. I'd heard that thought in her mind before over the years, but this is the first time she had ever vocalized it. "Really? You've never told me that before." In the back of my mind, I idly wondered why she chose now to tell me that.

"You know you have always been my favorite, Edward," she says, her voice low. "Even if you aren't really related, you are a lot like Carlisle. It was always easy to believe we belonged together, the three of us."

I nod in agreement, another chuckle vibrating through my chest. "I have known, you're right." I pause and a part of me is left feeling surprised that she compared me to my creator. A thought like that had never before crossed my mind. "And thank you for the compliment. I don't think I'm anything like Carlisle, though."

Esme turned her face away from me and pulled her hand out of my grasp, choosing instead to loop her arm through mine. I could hear her mind working as she considered a more fitting explanation of exactly how I compared to Carlisle and I waited in the brief silence to give her time to sort through her thoughts. "You are both kind, gracious, loving, intelligent, strong, handsome gentlemen. Of course, perhaps I am slightly biased," she replied with a small laugh.

I laughed along with her, enjoying this lighthearted moment. They were few and far between. "Perhaps just a little, but thank you."

She looked back up at me and smiled, brushing back a stray strand of my hair that was hanging down over my forehead. "I can't be blamed really."

The corners of my lips curl upwards, my eyes focusing on the edge of her hand as her fingers move through my hair. My eyebrows twitched slightly, a movement so subtle a human wouldn't be able to see it, as I detect a faint shift in the feel of her thoughts. It was something I'd never experienced from her before and I was at a loss, having no idea how to decipher it. That fact alone left me feeling strangely unsettled. I moved my gaze to her face, searching her expression.

"No, I suppose not," I drawled, staring into the rich honey of her eyes and trying to figure out exactly what was going on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I only wrote half of this story! Jenna, aka DragonGirl323, is the author of the chapters from Edward's POV; she contributed all of Edward's dialogue; & she gets beta credit for this as well.

* * *

I stared up into his eyes, searching, trying to read him. I knew that he had caught the undercurrent of my thoughts. I was examining his features carefully; he may act like Carlisle at times, but they looked nothing alike. Noting that his hair was awry as usual, I reached up and toyed with it. It was untamable.

"Was your hair always this unruly, even when you were human?" I asked softly, trying to imagine what he had been like when he was alive.

Edward lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. Our fingers barely missed, but it made my fingertips tingle anyway. "Not if my mother could help it," he replied. "She could never understand why I liked it this way."

I smiled, pulling my fingers up the length of his hair, tugging on it gently. I was struck by the sudden vision that flashed in my mind—of gripping a handful and pulling on it roughly, jerking his head back, and his mouth dropping open. "I like it," I said, talking in hopes of smothering my thoughts, for both our sake's. "I think it suits your personality."

He leaned forward slightly and I felt myself drawn toward him. "I like it much better than combing it over, that's for sure," he said.

I let my hand drift to the side of his face, pressing my palm to his cheek. "You are very handsome, no matter what."

His golden eyes were locked on mine as he leaned even closer to me. "And I've always thought you were very beautiful," he said, his voice lowering. I felt a shudder pass through me.

My hand traveled down, resting over the silent cavity of his heart as I closed the space between us. We were just short of being pressed against one another fully. "Really?" I questioned with surprise. "I never imagined you would think of me that way."

In fact, I never thought that anyone thought of me that way except Carlisle. It's not that it wasn't enough, but what girl doesn't like to feel pretty? I always heard about how beautiful everyone else was. Women practically fainted at the sight of Carlisle—not that I blamed them. I probably only didn't as well because vampires don't faint. Everyone always complimented me on what an uncommonly beautiful family I have, but no one ever just said that I am pretty. It wasn't that I was jealous or was desperate for attention. I'm not sure that it mattered that much until Edward called me beautiful, actually. It sort of struck me then that even if no one else had been looking, he had been.

Edward nodded once slowly. He seemed slightly nervous, his eyes averted for a second. "Yes. Just a . . . casual observation." A smile tugged at his lips as he spoke.

I watched his lips curl and allowed myself to react instantly with my thoughts. Taking Edward by surprise wasn't easy. You couldn't think before you spoke or acted. I made only the decision to let myself react and respond to that honestly before I reached over, gripping a handful of his shirt and pulling him against me, my lips brushing his ear as I whispered to him.

"Casually checking out your mother?" I asked with a smile. "How wicked of you, Edward. That could get you into terrible trouble, you realize."

He let out a slight chuckle. I couldn't tell if he was nervous or intrigued or both. But then his hand slipped around my waist as he pressed his cheek to mine, his lips against my ear now, making me shiver. "Yes, well, can you blame me?"

I grinned, sliding one leg across his thighs, still doing, not thinking, just feeling. I nibbled his earlobe lightly, whispering against his ear. "I don't see how you could resist, actually," I answered seriously.

Edward inhaled sharply through his nose, his fingers trailing up my thigh, pushing my dress farther up my leg. "It wasn't without difficulty," he confessed.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, shifting so that I was straddling his lap. I felt his hands curl around my hips and I leaned forward, pressing my body against his.

"I do like a man who can resist temptation," I said. I gripped his chin firmly in my hand, squeezing it between my thumb and forefinger, tilting his head so that he was looking up at me. "It's such a challenge."


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors' notes:** With the exception of Esme's dialogue, this chapter was authored by Jenna, penname DragonGirl323. It's being posted here on my account for story continuity.

* * *

My mouth stretched into a lopsided grin in response to her comment, my eyes smoldering like a pair of glowing yellow embers, as I curled my hands low on her hips and pulled her even tighter against me. "I've admired you from afar," I murmured.

She leaned over me, keeping my chin held tightly in her grasp, and her hair cascaded over her shoulders, falling around my face like a fragrant curtain. "You had better keep that to yourself. Just consider what might happen if we got caught," she whispered, her voice as smooth as silk. She gently pushed up on my chin to tilt my head back even further and began lightly kissing my neck.

I chuckled as my eyes slid shut, a shiver searing a blazing trail down my spine as her lips grazed my skin, and my grip reflexively tightened around her hips, my fingers bunching in the soft material of her dress. I felt her excitement over my reaction flare, the sensation becoming a tangible crackle in the air, and, in response, I leaned my head forward, dotting soft, feather light kisses of my own along the length of her neck and across her shoulder.

"I suppose it's a good thing I'm the only mind reader here then."

Her hands clenched around my shoulders and she tipped her head back, giggling softly. "You are every woman's dream come true, you know that, Edward Cullen?"

I laughed, the breath expelled from my mouth wafting lazily across her skin, and leaned away slightly to look up at her, intrigued. "Oh, am I?" I inquired, feigning innocence.

Her hands crept upwards and she threaded her fingers through my hair, pulling my lips to her neck again. "Yes, you are. You're handsome and you know everything a girl wants without her having to ask for it, and you're…inexhaustible." That word turned into a breathy sigh as it escaped from her parted lips.

My top lip curled up as I gladly continued peppering hungry, open mouthed kisses across every inch of exposed skin on her neck, a deep thrumming similar to a purr vibrating through my chest. I chuckled suddenly as her mind continued its seductive whispering, the sound of it sweeter than any piece of music I had ever heard. "I don't think I'm the only one that's been doing a little admiring from afar. Hmm, Esme?"

She caught her bottom lip in her teeth and attempted to suppress a laugh. "I can't read your mind, darling Edward," she crooned, massaging her fingertips into my scalp and making my eyes roll into the back of my head. "Do you want to hear me say how very desirable I find you? How when we are left here alone, as we often are, the first thing that crosses my mind is how I want to have my arms around you? I do worry about you so, my dear."

She pressed herself more firmly against me, pushing me into the back of the couch.

I groaned, low and in my throat, as I grinded against her, her thoughts crashing over me relentlessly like the sea breaking over the rocks. The euphoria was intoxicating and, in response to one of her silent thoughts, I nipped at the skin of her neck, sucking on it gingerly. "Your thoughts are pretty loud," I all but growled, pulling my mouth away from her neck and hooking a finger under her chin, bringing her mouth to mine and brushing my lips against hers softly.

Anticipation boiled in the pit of my stomach and, as she rocked her hips and kissed me passionately, another groan tore up my throat and spilled into her mouth. All too soon, she broke her lips away from mine and bit down on her bottom lip once more, one of her eyebrows arching. "Just full of restrained passion, aren't we, my dear? I'm utterly shocked by you."

The beast caged within my chest roared, fighting furiously against the chains keeping it trapped, and I buried my fingers in her thick, luscious hair, kissing her again to savor the taste of her lips. I chuckled against her mouth. "A little more unrestrained then?" Just as a response began forming in her mind, I suddenly pitched her to the left, switching our position so I was the one hovering over her, and settled heavily on her, placing another searing kiss on her lips.

When we parted again, she smiled up at me demurely and began toying with the buttons of my shirt. "I don't know. Do you like being restrained?" she asks, slowly undoing a few of the buttons. "Or do you prefer things to be a little more…accessible?"

A wicked smirk stretches across my mouth as she shows me an image of the undergarments concealed beneath her dress – a ridiculously expensive black and silver bra with matching garter belt – and I brought one of my hands back, gliding it up the black hose covering her thigh. "I think I'm definitely leaning toward more accessible."

She unhooked the last button and opened my shirt, her eyes drifting up my chest before locking gazes with me. "You should find yourself satisfied if you carry on then," she said, her eyes averting from mine and resting briefly on the hand curled around her thigh. When her stare found mine again, she winked at me and I had to hold back a groan. "I had the intention of making myself very accessible this evening, after all."

"Oh?" I prod, continuing to move my hand up her leg and push her dress up. My fingers followed the path of her garter and, when they brushed against the silky skin of her upper thigh, what I found made me growl under my breath, my eyes darkening from honey gold to deep topaz. "Should I consider myself lucky then?"

I was nearly undone when she sighed, her eyelids fluttering. It was all I could do to keep myself from tearing through her clothes like a man possessed and taking her right at that moment. "Lucky? I don't know," she murmured, pushing my shirt over one shoulder and leaning up to kiss me. "You tell me."

I chuckled darkly as I shrugged out of my shirt and tossed it, forgotten, onto the floor. "I think we're sharing in Lady Luck's good fortune tonight," I replied, my voice a low, husky whisper. I eagerly brought my mouth down to meet hers, kissing her hungrily as I curled both my hands around the edge of her dress and began to lift it off of her.

She trailed her hands down my chest and I was powerless to stop another tremor from shooting through me as her nails grazed over my skin. When her fingers reached the waist band of my pants, her eyes trailed down to the arousal that was painfully evident from its place concealed inside the fabric and an impish grin slithered onto her face. I heard her intentions as soon as they manifested in her mind and I eagerly leaned into her touch when she rubbed her palm firmly over my erection. A violent shudder passed through me as I stared down at her with an intensely focused gaze, my body practically screaming for more. She smirked up at me and gently tugged on the button holding the offending garment closed.

"I think I have to agree with you," she replied, her voice a soft, seductive whisper.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I only wrote half of this story! Jenna, aka DragonGirl323, is the author of the chapters from Edward's POV; she contributed all of Edward's dialogue; & she gets beta credit for this as well.

* * *

We tore each other's clothes off frantically, desperate to have no barriers between us, but once we were fully exposed and vulnerable, knowing there was no turning back, there was an uncomfortable pause. He was hovering over me and we locked gazes for a long moment. Edward looked like he was deep in thought, and I was trying to clear my mind, push away the very complicated mess of thoughts in my head.

Perhaps he caught my deep-seated sense of affection beneath all the worry because he began running his fingertips over my skin—across my shoulder and over the swell of my breasts and down my stomach, where I felt the tension gathering. He slid his hand over, pressing the side of his palm into the dip between the curve of my stomach and edge of my hipbone and I felt a flutter beneath his hand. A tremor vibrated in the cradle of my hips as he explored me with his eyes and fingers, his gaze fixed on my body. His lips curled into a wicked smile and he glanced up, his eyes blazing as they met mine. I didn't need to read his mind to know what he was thinking.

I was rapidly growing desperate for it. I started panting—such a human thing to do. Carlisle and I had discussed almost every seemingly surprising detail of this, what happened and why. The escalated breathing was likely a sexual reflex, like when we hunted so you were infiltrated with the smell of your prey, making you completely focused. And it was working beautifully. So many reminders of humanity occurred, but swift and captivating enough for my vampire senses.

Edward let out a sigh and it almost seemed like a signal, the tiny muscles of his eyes contracting, widening the pupils, making his eyes look darker, like a hungry predator in the night. I knew that meant he could see me even better, and I noted my vision sharpen as well. I inhaled on his exhale, his scent infiltrating me to the point where I could almost taste him. I felt the venom collect underneath my tongue, leak down the back of my throat, creating a feigning sense of thirst. I bit my lip, an unconscious reaction to the desire to have something to sink my teeth into. He growled low in his throat, crouched over me, completely focused on my every reaction, waiting for the perfect moment to make his move. I clenched my teeth and exhaled through them-both of us making sounds that came out as inviting when made so slightly, but given just a little more force, they would have been bestial and threatening. It was all I could do not to just shove him on his back and pounce on him. The time it took for me to take two breaths—that is how quickly it happened.

For almost ninety years I hadn't been with anyone except Carlisle, and an unexpected shyness overtook me as Edward stared at my body suddenly. I shifted my hips slightly, probably only bringing more attention to my nervousness. He moved above me, lowering his hips down between my thighs. I licked my lips, my eyes locked on his erection, and I felt myself open deep inside, aching to be filled. He grinned at me as his body slid up over mine and he propped himself up with one arm, his elbow tucked beneath my arm so we were eye to eye. I felt him aroused and trembling against my lower abdomen, making me gasp.

"Edward," I whispered as his hand slipped down between my legs, not without some trepidation. But I opened them wide beneath him in invitation, thinking about how I liked to be touched.

My reaction was violent as he explored me, a flood of pleasure pooled in the depths of my hips almost instantly, and with the first tender, explorative brushes of his fingertips over the center of my desire, I cried out, the instant tightening between my legs shocking. I couldn't remember the last time I had responded so passionately to so little attention.

"Esme," he hissed, likely just as surprised as I was, massaging me harder and faster as I peaked. I liked that because he could read my thoughts, he knew I wasn't calculating it—that it was my honest, helpless reaction to his touch.

I felt the rush of wetness between my legs, and I began to tremble. Though it was impossible, I quickly began to feel overheated as I pushed my hips up into his hand. I was desperate to have him inside of me, but another wave of pleasure washed over me quickly, making me gasp then moan on the exhale. I closed my eyes tightly, my lips parting as I sucked in a breath while his fingers entered me. Wrapping my arms around his body, holding onto him firmly, rocking my hips up to meet each thrust as he buried three of his fingers into me as far as they would go. It was thrilling, but it wasn't enough. Still, he carried on until I was mad with being taunted.

Just as I was on the verge of begging for it, he pulled his fingers out swiftly. Our eyes met briefly, and it happened so quickly, maybe he was worried he would lose his nerve, but he was slowly inching his way inside of me. He brought his hand to my cheek, gently rubbing his thumb over my skin before tracing my parted lips with his finger. Then, he slid his hands across my body as if I was delicate, not the unbreakable thing I really am. It made me feel nearly human again—the tender way he moved inside of me at first, the small sound of shock that escaped his lips when he had entered me fully.

I wasn't sure if he had done it on purpose, if he was reading my thoughts, the faint undercurrent beneath my worry, if he was making an effort, or if it was just a complete accident, but he moved deeper inside of me, hitting a spot that made me whimper. And he responded with a surprised sound of pleasure.

"There," I sighed and he obediently thrusted into me again. "Oh, yes," I moaned, my passion escalating at an alarming rate once again. I felt it sear though my veins like heated blood.

He sighed my name again, a somewhat pained expression crossing his features.

I slid one hand around his lower back and gripped his shoulder with the other. His reply was to grab my hip with one hand as he held himself up with the other arm. He pulled me up toward him. I elevated my hips so that he could drive down into me. The new position allowed him to go deeper into my body and I bit back a scream, my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Take me, Edward," I gasped.

That seemed to excite him. Perhaps he was still hanging onto the idea that I was a lady, even so far into this. I looked up at him to see his eyes dark and seething with passion. He looked close to frantic. I knew we were both more than primed and pining for it, but I think he began to hold back on purpose. I tipped my head back as he reached up to lace his fingers through my hair.

I allowed myself to let go then, I sank fully into my fantasies, pretending that he wasn't just inside of me for release but because he found me irresistible. I told myself that the sounds that escaped his lips were my body giving him thrills, hoping that the fact that what we were doing was so wrong gave him the same delicious chills that it was giving me. I made no effort to shield my thoughts. We had both tried so hard to keep ourselves restrained in so many ways. I just wanted him to go wild on me.

He must have heard my thoughts because he growled—a guttural sound emerging from deep in his chest. I dropped my hips and he pounded into me.

"Don't break the couch," I said as he reached up to brace himself against the armrest.

He chuckled, shaking his head and smiling. "Don't break the couch. Right."

I was surprised at my own reaction, that his sweet little laugh caused a shot of delight to race through me. My body tightened around his and we both cried out. I reached up, running my hands over his shoulders, digging my fingers into his flesh as he lowered his body over mine. He had shed his inhibitions, and I liked watching him use me to pleasure himself. I outright laughed with a mixture of joy and relief when I felt my passion crescendo. We peaked together and I screamed with the release, my eyes closing tightly, the ecstasy so forceful that I thought the rush of it might rupture my arteries as it coursed through my entire body. I wasn't sure if his delayed reaction was because I had surprised him or not. But there was a short silence before he gasped, exhaling in a long, deep throated moan as we rode out the final waves of rapture.

We both relaxed and it was a moment before he eased out of me, reaching for a blanket on the back of the couch to cover us. I cuddled up to him as he wrapped his arm around me. It was a protective gesture; one that I settled into thankfully.


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors' notes:** With the exception of Esme's dialogue, this chapter was authored by Jenna, penname DragonGirl323.

* * *

I opened my eyes, the echo of Esme's breathless sighs and her soft voice crying my name in the throes of passion replaying through my mind with crystal perfection, and smiled. I curled my body tighter around hers reflexively when I heard her thinking mirror my own – her name escaping my lips in short, lust filled gasps and my deep groans as I moved within her. My eyes slid shut again, which only intensified the images, and I fought off the tremors that were begging to shoot through me.

She cuddled up to me, burying her face into my shoulder, and exhaled slowly. "I'm very rarely grateful that this house is deserted," she said, laughing slightly. "Sometimes when I'm alone, it's so quiet; I just listen to the faint hum of the electricity or the pops and groans as the temperature changes. It begins to feel like the house has its own personality even though it's lifeless, like us."

I chuckle along with her and bury my nose in her hair, breathing in the scent of it deeply. "I'll have to agree with you there." My next comment flew out of my mouth before I had the chance to think about it properly, and I knew my incomparably giddy attitude was to blame for that. I was never known to be loose lipped, so the statement that fell out of my mouth was shocking and appalling all at the same time. "And we're certainly not lifeless, if what we just did is any testament to that." I couldn't stop the snicker that forced its way up my throat.

The change in her demeanor was instantaneous and the sharp stab of sadness that flashed through her eyes before she turned away left me feeling absolutely wretched. "I don't know. That's not very funny, Edward."

I pressed my lips together, immediately recognizing my mistake, and tentatively curled my hand over her shoulder. She had been trying to be open, even vulnerable, with me and I had unceremoniously shot her attempt out of the sky. "I'm sorry," I muttered, my voice apologetic. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not your fault," she replied, covering her face with her hands and going silent for a short stretch of time. My eyebrows twitched as I stared at the back of her head, sorting through the furious tumult of thoughts and emotions swirling through her mind, and pressed my lips together, the reasoning behind her fragile state of mind obvious. "I just wish I could cry. It doesn't make any sense, why some things still…work and others don't. I _need_ to cry."

I nodded and leaned my head down to kiss her shoulder tenderly. I could certainly understand why she felt that way. As a woman capable of so much compassion, who thrived on emotion, being incapable of the simple human release of crying was frustrating. "I've wondered the same thing a few times."

She brushed her hair away from her face and breathed in deeply before turning back over, her eyes immediately finding mine. "I'm sorry. I'm very emotional. Well, you know that already," she said, wrapping her arm around me loosely.

"I don't mind," I responded, smiling at her and shaking my head. "I don't exactly have it all together myself right now."

She went completely still for a moment, just looking into my eyes, before reaching up and running the pads of her fingers down my cheek. "Are you okay?" she asked, her worry for me increasing.

I blinked slowly as I returned her gaze, nodding. The euphoric high I had experienced during our love making was steadily draining out of me like water through a sieve. Now I just felt strangely conflicted, my commitment Bella and my newfound attraction to Esme at war in my mind. "I will be eventually, I suppose."

Her lips parted as she stared at me, her thoughts a confusing mixture of her own conflicting emotions. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," she said, sadness laced through her tone. "I thought that…we…well… No, this is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Edward!" She paused and I saw her bottom lip quiver before her hand flew up to cover her mouth. "I don't know what to say."

My eyebrows pinched together, taken aback by this sudden shift in her demeanor, and shook my head while I drew her closer to me. "Esme, no… None of this is your fault. Please don't apologize."

She shook her head, her hand still covering her mouth. "We can't do this. We'll make ourselves insane," she said, sounding as though she was speaking to herself. "It's already done now, so…it doesn't really matter, I suppose."

I fell silent then, the clock hanging on the wall counting down the seconds in a droll, steady rhythm. The muscles in my jaw clenched as I realized something, something that could potentially become a problem. "Well, I guess there's only question left."

She lowered her head onto my chest, thinking frantically about the potential consequences of what we did and feeling a staggering amount of guilt, but not wanting to let me go. My hands unconsciously tightened around her as I worked my jaw back and forth, hearing her question before she made the conscious decision to speak it out loud. A strong mixture of hesitation and concern over what I had to say engulfed her thoughts, but her need to hear what I had to say took precedence.

"What is that?" she asked, her shoulders stiffening as she braced herself for what I was about to say.

"What now?" I asked softly, my own mind already running through the plethora of possible outcomes and not liking the outcome of any of them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** I only wrote half of this story! Jenna, aka DragonGirl323, is the author of the chapters from Edward's POV; she contributed all of Edward's dialogue; & she gets beta credit for this as well.

* * *

The question hung heavy between us. _"What now?"_ It seemed obvious to me that we couldn't just pretend it never happened. How could I ever look at him the same way again? I couldn't. It was difficult to think of something so affectionate as wrong. I closed my eyes, trying to contain my thoughts. I wondered if, when he shut his eyes or looked away from me, he was thinking of Bella. It wouldn't have hurt my feelings, but this wasn't about the kind of love he had with her or that I had with Carlisle. This was about something entirely different, something unlike anything I had ever experienced. I wasn't sure if I could make any sense of it or fully answer Edward's question right now.

"No one can know about this. It could ruin everything," I said finally, looking up at him. "I suppose it's rather absurd of me to even ask if I can confess something to you at this point, isn't it?" It seemed like a silly notion, to be wary of something when the person you were talking to had been inside both your body and mind already.

Edward nodded once. "Agreed." His eyes met mine, his eyebrows twitching slightly as he smiled softly. He brushed my hair away from my face as he spoke. "No, it's not, but you can always confess anything that you want to me."

"I don't even say things like this to Carlisle," I started cautiously. "Well, not in this way. I've been angry at everyone else. I've always secretly thought it was someone else who was doing it. Someone else's choice was always going to break our family apart. I felt burdened with putting us back together at times." I laughed bitterly, but it felt good to finally release these awful thoughts. "Ironic that I'm the one to ruin everything, in the end."

I noticed his jaw clench as I spoke and he tilted his head back when I was finished, gazing out the window. "Just as much of the fault rests on me."

He certainly wasn't innocent, I supposed, but I felt it was more my fault than his. I wasn't sure how to respond. I didn't want to lay here arguing over who was more guilty. I folded my arms across his chest, watching him carefully.

"Don't feel guilty. It makes me feel worse to think that you do." I kissed him lightly on the cheek, giving him a small smile. "I like the way that you hold me," I noted as his arms tightened around me. "You are very tender and sweet. You shouldn't be hurt."

I watched his eyes scan my face, his gaze drifting down over my neck, lingering there before he looked back up into my eyes.

"But I can't force all the blame onto your shoulders," he said, shaking his head. "I won't. In fact, I should be the one taking the blame. I could have stopped it before it even started. I heard your thoughts shift, but I chose to ignore them."

I glanced away from him, staring at the wall. "That isn't what I said to you, though. I couldn't stop my thoughts or my feelings. I chose what I said to you; you know that." When I looked at him, I unconsciously reached up to brush at his hair. "It would be like this every time. We would always feel this way."

Edward turned, staring up at the ceiling. In his silence, I suddenly became aware of everything around us, every sound of the house, leaves blowing across the yard outside, animals in the forest. I had forgotten that I had left the computer on in my office until I heard it hum down into sleep mode at that moment.

"Hearing your thoughts and feelings is one thing," he replied finally, jerking my attention back. "Listening to them come out of your mouth is another. There's a fine line between impulses and choices." His eyes focused back onto mine. "I like holding you."

Even though I had brought it up, I wasn't sure I was ready to talk about that anymore right now. I wondered if he could understand my motivations just as well as he could understand my pleasure and my guilt.

"Do you ever feel just so restrained by it all? I feel like, I don't know, some sort of caged animal at times." I laughed at myself. It sounded silly, but it was true. "It becomes this droll rhythm. It must feel something like a human working on an assembly line: repetitive and mind numbing. It's so funny to me that those _wolves_," my voice hissed the word on instinct, "call us leeches. We're more like wild cats, I think."

As I felt my frustration rise, Edward's hand slipped down my side, cupping into the dip of my waist and over the curve of my hip, distracting me from becoming too annoyed and sending a shiver through me.

"Wild cats that are forced to appear docile. It's monotonous as well as maddening," he agreed.

"It's not easy to pretend to be perfect all the time. I almost like, I don't know..." His fingers were curling around my hipbone possessively. It stirred my desire, and I wanted to kiss him but thought better of it. I tried to keep talking, focusing on my words. "I almost like thinking it's okay to be complicated and flawed and have just real shear attraction to someone else. I don't believe we're as frozen as some like to think. I think others of our kind latch onto their past so hard in mourning for their humanity that they don't want to change; it's not because they can't."

Edward appeared to be listening to me very carefully. I wondered if that meant he was concentrating on both my words and my thoughts. His eyes were focused on my lips and I licked them slowly. I could feel that it flared his desire as well.

"Pretending to be a flawed human is just as daunting sometimes. Our bodies might be frozen, but I never thought a certain aspect of change was impossible after I was turned."

"If some level of choice wasn't involved, we wouldn't have the diet that we do," I noted. "We choose every day to go against the nature that supposedly controls and freezes us."

He cradled the back of my head with his hand and pulled my lips to his. It left no question that his thoughts matched mine. When his tongue slipped past my lips, desire raced from my mouth and pooled in the cradle of my hips. Now that we had made love, my body knew what it was to miss him, and I craved having him inside of me.

I couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped against his lips. "You should be warned that I am insatiable, my darling Edward," I whispered. It was meant to be a warning though his reaction made it clear he thought it was an invitation.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: **(Crys) I only wrote half of this story. Jenna, pen name DragonGirl323, is the author of the chapters from Edward's POV; she contributed all of Edward's dialogue; & she gets beta credit for this as well. Also, I want to thank her again for all of her contribution and all of the fun!

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I immediately picked up on the light warning in the undercurrent of her thoughts, but couldn't stop the thrill of excitement that shot through me at her soft vocalization and molded our mouths more firmly together. "Would you be surprised to discover that I'm just as insatiable?" I shot back against her lips without a second thought.

She smirked at me, her darkened eyes flashing playfully. "You might think so now, but you've barely had a taste," she murmurs, running the tip of her finger across my bottom lip. "I believe with absolute certainty that I can spend even the most resilient of men."

"Frankly, I wouldn't mind indulging further," I replied with a grin. I drifted my hand back down her body agonizingly slow and snaked it around her waist, placing it on the base of her back. I chuckled and held her gaze captive in mine, arching an eyebrow. "Oh, is that a challenge, Esme?"

A coy smile stretched across her mouth as I pulled her body against mine, her hand wrapping firmly around my bicep. "Since you are obviously up to it, then yes, it is. I'll let you know when I'm completely, incomparably satisfied," she told me, her voice a low, seductive whisper.

"I'll hold you to that," I murmured, brushing my lips against hers as I rolled onto my back, pulling her with me so her legs were snugly straddling my waist.

I sucked in a sharp, involuntary breath through my nose as she fully opened her mind to me, her thoughts blooming in my head like flowers exposed to the first rays of the morning sun, and I cupped her face with both of my hands, searing my lips to hers in a hungry kiss. A strained growl forced its way up my throat at the raw potency of her thoughts, practically losing myself in her mind, and her desire for me surged, the sensation of it crawling across my skin like a sentient being. I bucked my hips, grinding my pelvis roughly into hers to let her know exactly what I wanted, and she moaned, the sound laced with deep seated longing.

I dropped my hands to her waist and lifted her just enough to slide inside her, her body sheathing me like a tailor made suit. She broke her mouth away from mine and threw her head back, sighing in ecstasy as she sank onto me. My eyes drank in her naked body, admiring the way her alabaster skin looked in the semi-darkness of the room, the orange glow of the lamp in the corner illuminating her lithe form beautifully.

_Touch me,_ her mind begged, those two words ricocheting around inside my skull like shrapnel.

I was only too happy to oblige.

I slid my right hand up her stomach and cupped it around her breast, gently kneading the supple flesh, and earned another pleased sigh. I closed my eyes, my head lolling back against the arm of the couch, and groaned. The black expanse behind my eyelids that had been so drab and lifeless before was suddenly illuminated with bright sprays of color as her thoughts continuously poured into my mind without pause.

I was focused so intently on her thoughts, in fact, that I clamped my hands around her hips and ground into her ferociously the instance the desire to feel me move within her had formed. She gasped, her mouth falling open, and my name began cycling through her head in soft, seductive whispers that made me writhe beneath her. I smirked wickedly, my eyes still closed, as she leaned over me, hooking her hands around my shoulders, and inexplicably tore the reigns of control away from me. I opened my eyes, locking my darkened gaze on hers, and ran my hands up the length of her body, moving gradually.

She shivered, dragging in a shuddering breath, and rocked her hips against me hard. I growled and anchored my hands around her shoulders for more leverage, bucking my hips into hers violently. The frame of the couch groaned beneath us and I was suddenly reminded of her warning not to break it. My concentration temporarily broken, I glanced sideways, spying the decorative throw rug, and an idea sparked inside my mind. Without missing a beat, I moved my arms, wrapping one securely around her waist and reaching the other down to brace against the floor, then slid off the couch, keeping our bodies connected.

Her thoughts swirled with confusion for a moment before she giggled and leaned over me with a pleased smile. "Well played."

We picked up right where we left off before our short trip down to the living room carpet and our collective sighs and groans reverberated through the air around us as we melted together, becoming something completely new. My eyes were locked on her form as she hovered above me, gyrating her hips back and forth eagerly, hypnotized by the gentle undulations of her muscles as they moved beneath her skin. I closed my eyes, losing myself in her blissful, erotic thoughts. All too soon passion filled cries burst from our mouths, and as we laid there, clutching each other's shuddering bodies tightly, I suddenly picked up on the thoughts of someone I didn't expect. My eyes widened, my body going completely still.

"Edward?" Esme questioned, her eyebrows pinching together as she studied my expression, confusion seeping into her thoughts.

I lurched forward, rising to my feet and pulling her with up me in the blink of an eye. "Carlisle. He's almost home."

Those four simple words that usually succeeded in brightening Esme's entire mood suddenly left her scrambling frantically. She gasped, her mind vacating of all coherent thought for a few milliseconds, before we both jumped to action, flitting about the room as we collected our strewn about clothing. We were two blurs of white as we streaked back to our rooms to make ourselves presentable for when Carlisle came inside. Esme's thoughts were a whirlwind of activity and I couldn't help but cringe at how sharp they were. She was worried about a multitude of things, but, namely, she was concerned with what she would tell Carlisle if and when he noticed how heavy my scent was on her.

I focused as I redressed, fixing my hair in the mirror, and wondering if I should make myself scarce. Just as I was considering to fake a hunting trip even though I wasn't thirsty, Esme's voice drifted to me from the other side of the house.

"I'm still not satisfied, Mr. Cullen," she told me, her voice low.

I groaned inwardly, squeezing my eyes shut. _There'll be no living with her now,_ I thought, snorting in amusement, knowing she would hear me.

As I listened to Carlisle's Mercedes pull into the garage, I knew that facing him would be near impossible after being with his wife not once, but twice in the span of an hour. Just the thought of staring him in the face and reading his oblivious musings about Esme and how much he missed her while he was at work was enough to make me feel like a human experiencing being sick to his stomach. I buried my hands in my hair and growled in frustration, fleeing from my room when I heard Carlisle come inside.

I landed soundlessly on the forest floor, shoving my hands into my pockets as I walked away from the house without glancing back. Carlisle's words rang in my ears as he greeted Esme, telling her how sorry he was for having to cancel on her and then noticing how she was dressed. She'd put the clothes back on that she was wearing when I found her in the living room because she hadn't exactly had enough time to pick out an entirely new outfit. His thoughts immediately turned south and I had to force myself to continue walking at a leisurely pace even though I wanted to sprint out of range of their voices and thoughts as swiftly as I could in case they went to bed together.

I couldn't help the sigh of relief that pushed out of my lungs when she refused his advances, saying she wanted to take a shower. My steps immediately halted, though, when I heard that her time with me was running on repeat in the back of her mind. I stared with an unfocused gaze at the forest laid out in front of me, perplexed that she would still be thinking so obsessively about me. I shifted uncomfortably, my shoes crunching in the snow, as I realized I was thinking about her just as much. Her scent, the soft exhalations that escaped her full, luscious lips as I touched her, the silky perfection of her skin…

I ground my teeth together, squeezing my eyes shut, as I attempted to force those traitorous thoughts out of my mind. There was no rhyme or reason to the sensations I was experiencing. A small part of me almost couldn't believe that I had really done something so unbelievably brash. I wanted more than anything to think that I had been possessed by some unseen force so I could shift the blame off of myself, but I shook my head violently, knowing deep down that I could never do that to Esme.

An image of Bella's heartbroken expression once she caught wind of my treachery – which she would, there was no question about that – suddenly flew into the forefront of my mind and I fisted my hands in my hair again, threatening to tear the strands out by their roots. How could I have done this to her? She was everything to me; she'd gone to hell and back for me and this is how I repaid her for her unyielding loyalty? Esme's frantic thoughts broke through my despair, pounding against the inside of my skull relentlessly, and I almost got to the point where I was ready to begin clawing at my head in hopes of boring the images out. Carlisle's blissfully unaware state of mind was the icing on the cake and I could handle it no longer.

I began moving forward again, hopelessly desperate to get out of range of their thoughts, when I was unceremoniously blindsided by something so shocking that it shook me to my very core, causing me to stagger as though I'd spontaneously been turned back into a human. I turned to look over my shoulder, staring back at the Cullen house with wide, unbelieving eyes. The faint desire that I had just picked up on inside Esme's mind left me completely unprepared and at a loss for what to do or even think. There was no way for me to describe it properly.

She wanted more than just occasional sexual encounters with me, and I didn't know if I wanted it to go that far.

I exhaled sharply, forcing myself to look away from the house, and disappeared into the night. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to get away from there before I did something I would regret.

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**Author's Note:** (Jenna) "I'd like to give everyone that read and reviewed this collaboration a huge thank you! I had an unbelievable amount of fun writing this with Crys and some of my best writing has come out of it. This pairing has become a new personal favorite of mine and I can't wait to bring all of you more Edward/Esme goodness! Stay tuned! If you haven't put Crys on your author alert, please with sugar and a cherry on top go do it! Thank you again!"


	9. A Final Note

**Author's note** (A Romantic Enquiry):

This story now has a sequel called _Unrestrained Passion_, which you can access by visiting my profile page. Thanks for reading, and Jenna and I hope that you enjoy the continuing story!


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